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-John 1:5
I have wanted, for so long now, to be able to write something of substance here. I have wanted to make something tangible out of what has been my experience with God for the past few weeks. I’ve wanted to say simple truths in elegant ways, and leave my dear readers with nuggets of wisdom and truth to apply to their own lives.
I just can’t. Tonight, there were only tears.
God broke me down tonight, starting with a particular worship song that was played at a college group I visited with some friends, and finishing with a blog written by a friend/leader who is now in Thailand working with NightLight Jewelry.
I wish I had something to write, but I just don’t.
There is so much pain and darkness in this world it can be altogether overwhelming at times. But God is the star in my cloudy sky, the One who shines through all the heartbreak and longing and injustice. He alone can save the day. He alone is all we will ever need and more.
~*~
You are everything I long for
You are everything I need
And I can’t help but give my life
You are everything I long for
Jesus, I am so in love with You
When the sky is dark and cloudy
When the world is crashing ’round me
You’ll be there to light my way
You’ll be there to lift my face
You are everything I long for
“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
-Jesus, Matthew 17:20
What a challenging verse! I don’t know about you, but that makes me want to pray boldly for change in the “mountainous” events in my life.
P.S. Kids Camp is AWESOME! Also, sorry about the cheesy post title.
Finally, I am alone in the office. This solitude is unusually enjoyable for me today. I’ve been trying to write coherently for what feels like weeks now. Each time I start expounding upon a thought, I hit a wall and save it as a draft. I deleted all but one of those drafts today.
Sometimes, emotions and states of being just can’t be put into words. I greatly dislike this, as I am one who goes about life trying to put everything into words; and if you can put those words to music, it’s even better. But now, there seem to be no words to perfectly capture the residence of my heart.
There are some things I could ponder here, things that perhaps need to be pondered, but I’m just not sure if I want to write about them.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about change, which, if you’re a part of New Song or Seven24, you’ll know has been sparked by all the changes happening around here. Change in life is inevitable. Our lives are not meant to be comfortable and perfect, especially not if we’re walking with Christ. But that’s just the thing. We’re walking with Christ. So in every uncomfortable, saddening change, He will still be there. He will still be our companion, our comfort, and our joy.
Last week Sydney helped me with my music fundamentals class. After I finished my quiz on rhythm notation, we talked about university and music programs and tranferring. She advised me not to go to the school I’ve been planning to attend, and instead suggested one in the LA area. Suddenly it was as though my whole new direction was crumbling. Questions for God flooded my mind and a fear of change arose.
I’ve had a few days to wrestle this idea of going to school in LA. I’m not scared anymore. God’s ways are so much higher than mine. I don’t know what He has in store for my future, not in the least. I have my vision and my direction, but I’ve surrendered it completely to God. He can do what He wants with me; the main character of my story isn’t me anyway (it’s Him).
Sometimes I get in these reckless states. I feel like I could go absolutely anywhere and do absolutely anything if God commanded me. I don’t actually do anything in these times, but if He asked me to, I wouldn’t question or hesitate for even a second. In these moments, my faith is so big that I don’t even know what to do with it. I think that’s kind of how I feel right now, at 5:00 PM on Monday, July 6th.
