Jesus [Was/Is/Always Will Be] Radical

Ministry sometimes feels exactly the way my mother thinks that it is. It sometimes feels like an excuse not to work hard, to just hang out all the time and take the “easy route.” Like, all I’m doing is talking to high schoolers, college students, and struggling people. All I’m doing is singing my lungs out on a stage. All I’m doing is stuffing programs, hanging stars on a tree, tidying the Venue room, making videos, programming songs. It’s all just fun and games; it’s not reality.

These thoughts have been starting to hassle me. They sneak up on me when I least expect it, and whisper in my ear, “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting a degree that is actually truly necessary for a real job? Shouldn’t you be doing less hanging out and more working?” The sneaky little thoughts try to make me feel like I’m really making no difference in this world in which I exist. I start to feel like, really, it could be any girl with a half-decent voice up on that stage and the effect would be the same. I start to feel like anybody could lead a Celebrate Recovery open-share group. I start to feel totally and utterly replaceable.

And not only that, I start to feel like I’m not actually doing anything now that will see me into any kind of career in a year or so.

Lies. All of them, lies.

It’s not about what I’m doing; it’s about what God is choosing to do through me. I’m just His vessel, His channel through which He accomplishes His purposes amongst His people. And it should feel completely contrary to the “rational, normal” plan for life. It should feel like my goals and values are the total opposite of what they are “supposed” to be. Instead of working towards the American Dream of a nice house, car, career, husband, and two kids, I’m working for Love. Literally Love itself. God values odd things. He values eternal things. It’s not about the paycheck or security offered by the world. Jesus was (is) a crazy radical guy. What is important to Him looks like child’s play to the world. “What? You are saying that I should be investing in relationships more than a stable financial future? You’re saying that just hanging out with people could have eternal benefits? Are you nuts?”

In a conversation I had with God about two months ago, He tried to get me to understand His love. He told me I’d been ignoring Him and not taking His love seriously. When He elaborated by giving me a tiny peek at the size and strength of His love for me, I simply had to take Him at His word and accept the full extent of His love even though I couldn’t understand it. I told Him it was crazy and irrational, and then He interrupted me: Who says I’m rational?

Honestly, I would have no interest in a rational god. I would have no interest in a god whom I could understand, whose purposes made sense and were all plain before me. I would have no interest in a god who wasn’t crazy, who didn’t laugh at me sometimes, allow me to call him sneaky, and take me on a crazy ride of a life that makes everything completely new and utterly unrecognizable. I would have no interest in a god who couldn’t love harder than me, and who didn’t baffle me on a regular basis. I would have no interest in a god who gave me what I wanted when I wanted it, who wouldn’t make me wait for the biggest blessing ever to make it that much sweeter. I would have no interest in a god who couldn’t tell me no and who couldn’t allow me to go through pain for my own good. I would have no interest in a god who wouldn’t make me stubborn, hating some of the things he did for me.

That’s why I’m in love with a God who is insane. I’m in love with a God who pokes fun at me sometimes, who teases me and yet gently whispers promises to me. I’m in love with a God who won’t tell me everything, and yet when He does tell me He makes me wait for it until I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m in love with a God who talks to me even when I ramble on and on and really have no intention of stopping to listen to Him. I’m in love with a God who makes me wait when I beg Him to let me have it now. I’m in love with a God who gives me little kisses of bliss scattered over time as sneak peeks of the culmination.

Even as I pour my heart out to Him and tell Him how hard it is and that I feel so pathetic and impatient, He listens and stays with me. He doesn’t complain that I complain. He doesn’t get frustrated at my hard-headedness; in fact, He tells me He made me that way and that it will serves its purpose. Even as I begin to feel like I’m doing nothing by being in ministry, He waits by me and then reminds me that He isn’t that boring, rational god. His work is going to feel stupid sometimes- when I’m looking at it through the lense of the world. If it feels wrong in light of that good ol’ American Dream, then it’s exactly as it should be.

I have an overwhelming feeling tonight that I am exactly where God wants me- longing, impatient heart and all. I’m in just the right position to be instructed and to be obedient, to see major growth in those around me and to share in their joy as they discover Him. I’m beginning to walk through a God-thing with a dear friend, and I’m so thankful He placed this event in each of our lives at the same time. In my plan, I wouldn’t have to wait for much of anything. In God’s plan, things only get dragged out so that they can be greater than we could ever ask or imagine.

I’m so glad God is who He is.

The Plan

Life is simple- I promise. Here’s the plan:

If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. -Jesus, John 14:15

Okay, what now? How ’bout the Greatest Commandment:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. -Jesus, Mark 12:30

Sounds too simple, huh? Then let’s add:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. -Jesus, Mark 12:31

I’m not saying it’s easy. Live this life for five minutes and you will see that it is not. But we aren’t going it alone. We’ve got this “Helper,” this “Consuming Fire” to come alongside us and empower us to do things we’ve only dreamed of. Everything that we do here in this fleeting vapor of time boils down to these two commandments. We say “commandments” but really, if you’re coming from a place of love as Jesus initially says, then they feel more like privileges.

There is so much more I could say on this topic, like what loving your neighbor as yourself actually means (read chapter 7 of Mere Christianity) or perhaps where love for God stems from and what it might look and feel like. For now I will simply leave you with these verses to chew on. I’m sure I’ll have more to say when I actually finish listening to Brian’s message on the Holy Spirit (which is what spurred this in the first place).