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You may know, if you go to my church or college group, that our college pastor Brian Kiley had his last night with us this past Sunday. [You can read his blog post about it here.] That night I was working the tech booth (as I have been for a while now) running powerpoint. On the last song, I let myself think about the implications of Brian’s departure, and did my best to hold back the tears. Then I lost track of where we were in the song and forgot to go to the next slide, so my emotional moment thankfully ended. I avoided saying anything serious all night, because I knew that if I said something I would most likely break down.
A few minutes ago, while reading Brian’s post and seeing again the horribly sad picture of him sitting in the empty venue room on the stage (which perfectly encapsulates every aspect of this event), I cried again, as bitterly as I would have if I’d let myself on Sunday. I was somewhat surprised by the intensity of my sadness. It seemed there was a little something extra for which I was crying. Looking back at the picture and reading the comment before mine on the post told me what it was: the situation is a foreshadowing of what will happen to me one day. It’s happening to so many people, and I know one day I’ll experience it too. It’s the fact that I will one day have to leave New Song and venture out wherever God calls me. Yes, I’ll follow Him anywhere, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be heartbreak in doing so. It’ll be bittersweet, I’m sure, as the pain of leaving mixes with the excitement of a new adventure. I’ve wished more than once that I could just pick up whole cities and buildings and move them into my own newly assembled world. I would have moved Winnipeg to Oceanside back in 2007 if I could have. [If you're confused by that statement, read About the Writer.] When I leave Oceanside I know I’m going to want to take it with me, but alas, that will never be. Life changes; people move away. Bonds are broken as new ones are formed. The only consistency is Jesus.
I loved what Brian said about that on Sunday. I wrote it down word-for-word it was so awesome. He said, ” The leader of Seven24 has never been me; the leader is Jesus, and He’s not going anywhere.” I absolutely love that. He’s not going anywhere. What a comfort it is to know that our precious Beloved, our beautiful Savior, isn’t going anywhere. No matter where we go or who we leave behind, He will be there by our sides. He was with me when I left California in June 2006. He was with me when I left Winnipeg in June 2007. He was with me when I left my high school friends and church for New Song in November 2007. He was with me even after I left my mother and brother and my life-long love of ballet in October 2008. There is nothing that makes me think He won’t be with me when I leave New Song one day.
Brian has not only been an excellent pastor, he has been a great example of a man of God and a beloved part of our community. He’s on my list of favorite people, and he’s the one who God used to inspire me to go to seminary one day. In short, God has used Brian to shape my life as it is today, and I know He has used him in this way for many others as well. In the end, when making that change from one community to another, that is what matters. How did God use me to touch hearts and change lives in this place? Our pain is never worthless when we go through it for the kingdom of God.
Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead.
I can’t listen to that song without getting chills. Yesterday morning I went to the church I attended from 7th through 11th grades, a church whose service I haven’t gone to since the summer of 2007. When the message began, I suddenly was struck with a quick stream of thoughts on church and the Christian life that I was sure were God speaking to me. I immediately seized pen and paper and wrote the following. My audience is specifically the Seven24 community, but I believe this applies to anyone who calls him or herself a Christian and is not a pastor.
~*~
What if a lack of ‘fabulous teaching’ is actually a good thing? What if we should only be fed like that every so often instead of every week? What if that means that we need to read our Bibles ourselves and ask God to speak to us straight from His word? Maybe Brian Kiley leaving us and taking his awesome messages with him is a good thing. Maybe God wants to stretch & mature us. Maybe He’s calling us to search the Scrpitures together and challenge each other instead of waiting for a pastor to do it all for us. Maybe He’s calling us to stop relying on everyone else to feed us, to step up and take responsibility for our growth. That’s what we’re trying to get our high schoolers to do, but are our college students doing it?
Also, are we getting spiritually fat? Are we putting feet to our faith? Faith without deeds is dead, the Bible says (James 2:14-26). Maybe as BK is leaving, it is time for us to do something different.
Here’s my proposition. Let’s stop placing all the importance on what the speaker says on Sunday nights. Church is what happens Monday through Saturday, outside the four walls of the Venue room. Let’s commit to small groups for real, and let’s actually study the Bible as if we had no Sunday night message. If we seek God, we will find Him, so let’s seek Him ourselves. And let’s not stop there. Let’s commit to loving people, not just in words or with warm & fuzzy feelings, but with actions. Let’s not just do it a few times a week when we volunteer, but let’s figure out what love looks like as a lifestyle.
God is poking at my heart, telling me there’s something missing, something more He has for us if only we’ll reach for it. We’re not totally getting it. If we commit to changing things, I guarantee you not everyone will follow. Some will disagree. Some will be “too busy” to commit. Some will not “feel called.” Some will say we’re being too harsh. But how can we call ourselves Christians, aka “little Christs” if our lives look nothing like His? No, I’m not saying we need to sell everything and wander the streets preaching. I’m saying our lives should look radically different from those of the world. Our lives should look like adequate responses to the incredible cross, and I think that looks pretty different from the way we live now.
I think it’s time to stop waiting for some sort of revival and looking forward to the next butt-kicking message. It’s time to get off our butts and become the revival.
What Seven24 needs, I think, is not another great speaker. What we need is a leader who believes in changing things, in taking us back to the way Jesus showed us how to live. We need to band together and commit to becoming ordinary radicals, responding in the only logical way to God’s crazy love.
I haven’t felt compelled to write about the Justice series at Seven24 until today, after reading Tabitha’s post about it. Her reaction to this series, though much more distressed than mine, was similar in a way that I previously thought no one else’s to be. I don’t feel convicted at all.
We have been dealing with some pretty heavy-handed stuff. We’ve talked about human trafficking, sex slavery, sweat shops, and all sorts of gruesome injustice around the world. We’ve talked about what God thinks of all that, and what we are supposed to do about it. The scripture we’ve looked at has all been from the prophets- Isaiah, Ezekial, Micah, etc. The goal of the series has been not to just talk about it and feel bad, but to move us to action to actually affect these issues in some way.
I don’t feel called to action. I don’t feel like God is telling me to devote time to pursuing social justice. Yes, what is going on in the world does sadden me, shock me, and infuriate me. But beyond that, I pray for it and go back to my current ministry committments. This past Sunday Brian had Brett play Jon Foreman’s song “Instead of a Show.” I listened to it as a music lover, to be quite honest. My thoughts went something like, “Wow, this is a pretty sweet song. I love Jon Foreman. Brett has such an incredible voice. I love the progression of the song. The chorus is pretty awesome. I’m going to have to download this.” When it was over and we began discussing it, I quickly came to realize that a lot of people felt like there was “blood on their hands” and that they needed to do something about it, and that perhaps God was stopping up His ears when they worshipped. Oops; was I not listening properly?
When we finished the discussion and had the worship/response time, Brian mentioned that we may feel uncomfortable singing after all of that and that was okay, there were other things to do to respond. I walked up to the front to be a prayer partner, and thought about whether or not I felt like I should sing. Of course I wanted to sing! I’m a stinkin’ singer! It’s what I do! But as a Christian responding to a heavy message? I still wanted to sing. I have almost never felt like I shouldn’t/couldn’t sing when worshipping. I try each time I come before God in song to have my whole heart in it, whether that means my heart is sad or rejoicing, whether it is guilty or free. Occassionally, yes, I’ll be a distracted worshipper, giving my thoughts to how my voice sounds and am I hitting that harmony just right, but for the most part I turn my mind and heart on God and use music to express everything I feel towards Him. This week, as many of my friends felt convicted or some other variation of being downcast, I was expressing joy, gratitude, awe, and excitement.
I think Satan did some pretty effective work on Tabitha this Sunday. It breaks my heart to know that she was so distraught over all of this. No one can look at her reaction and tell me God wants her to feel that way. I think we have to be very careful about how we teach on these kinds of topics. It is not my understanding from Sunday’s passage (Isaiah 1:10-18) that God hates our worship unless we are doing everything in our power against injustice, and that that means making major lifestyle changes and getting jazzed about all sorts of social activism. Sometimes praying with a compassionate heart is doing everything in your power against injustice. Not everyone can afford to shop at sweat-shop-free stores or buy only fair trade coffee all the time. My family has been struggling financially big time for years now. Every time we talk about tithing, or sponsoring a child, or doing anything good with our money, I feel a desire to take part and quickly remember that there is no freakin’ way that’s gonna happen. We’re stinkin’ broke. And I think God is okay with that, because while man sees only the external, He sees the heart, and I know my heart is in the right place.
