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I needed a getaway. My Sabbath times too often are spent surrounded by people and filled with activity. Not that those things are bad; sometimes I just need to turn off the extrovert in me and flip on the introvert. (Oh, the perks of being an ambivert.)
I went to the beach, my favorite me ‘n’ Jesus spot, armed with guitar, a book, my Bible & my journal. After playing guitar and reading for a while, I took out my journal and thought back to one of the most amazing conversations I’ve ever had with God. A song was playing in my head (one that I will soon be covering), and I asked God to silence it so that I could talk to Him.
Sometimes it feels as though I have nothing to talk about with God. Usually on those days I just won’t talk to Him, yet this always leaves me feeling dry and unsettled. It’s not that life is perfect in these times; you just don’t feel personally burdened by anything that needs arguing out with your Creator.
As I sat there on the beach, trying to wash away my one distraction, I simply asked God if there was something He wanted to tell me. Immediately I heard it loud & clear:
I love you.
I don’t believe we will ever fully grasp the gravity of that statement. No matter how many times we think on God’s love, if we are truly opening our hearts to accept it, it will blow our minds. In whatever circumstances we’re experiencing, with whatever needs we may have, the answer will always be His love.
I love the song by Phil Wickham called True Love. It pretty much sums up what comes to my mind when I think of love. Perhaps you’ll agree…
For our worship to be truly Christian, it needs to be Trinitarian. We worship the Father who is revealed by the Son, and made known to us by the Spirit. We worship the Son who has paid the way for us to access the Father. We worship the Spirit who inspires us and leads us into all truth regarding the Father and the Son. We worship the one God who is mysteriously three persons at the same time, unconcerned by the mathematics of 1 + 1 + 1 = 1, but instead drawn into the eternal relationship of perfect love that exists within the Godhead.
God is so smart. He made the perfect decision when He told me to make New Song my home church on November 18, 2007, and again when He told me to quit ballet & devote myself to ministry on October 24, 2008.
I just got out of a youth ministry meeting where we were mapping out how we’re going to get students to go from “Come & see” to “Come & die” (John 1:46 and Matthew 16:24-25, respectively). It was a very eye-opening meeting as we saw where we are currently successful and where we need work. As we were going over our plan to write down specific areas in which to take action, I realized something awesome.
About 8 months ago, I decided to begin giving up my life to do ministry. I began giving of my time and energy to further the kingdom of God through the Church. All I had to go on was that God wanted me working with music and young women, so I took that knowledge and ran with it.
Now, on the other side of a very quick yet lengthy-feeling 8 months, I am ridiculously equipped. I have learned more than I thought I would, surely. God has transformed me into someone who isn’t really me; all these good qualities, all this leadership flowing from me, is actually Him. I would say that I amaze myself, but it’s not me anyway- so really, He amazes me. I have 15 more minutes to write before I have to go lead a high school girls’ small group that I took the initiative of forming. Courtney 8 months ago would never have done that. But that’s God for ya.
Ultimately, I technically still don’t know “what I’ll be doing with my life.” I’m totally okay with that. I have a feeling God will never just settle me into one easily definable job description anyway. My ministry started November 8, 2008, at Catalina Island, when I realized that God was ready for me to start pouring into others instead of always being the one poured into. That means I’m already doing “what I’ll be doing with my life.”
So where am I in terms of my two ministry focuses? I’m so glad you asked :)
At this moment, I am well on my way to becoming a fully hireable worship leader. I can’t even say how much that statement excites me. Developments in the last couple of weeks have propelled me further in desire and progress toward my goal. In a couple months, I will probably have my own service to lead. (Picture a ridiculously huge smile on my face right about now.)
On the young women front, I am continuing in leading my 11th grade girls small group both on Tuesday nights and our additional time on Wednesday nights. When the fall starts, I’ll be stepping up one level to become the entire junior class coach, which basically means I’ll be the youth pastor for all the 11th graders/the boss of all their small group leaders. I’ll be getting an even closer look at how we do youth ministry, which is essentially what we talked about in the meeting today.
New Song is an excellent training ground for ministry. I am so glad we are devoted to raising up new leaders and future pastoral staff members. No matter where God calls me next, I know I will be well equipped to tackle the ministry issues I face.
